Why Do We Suffer?
New Thought Q&A
Most human suffering is rooted not in external events, but in our internal attachments, specifically our identification with the ego. As Eckhart Tolle writes in The Power of Now, ego thrives on labels, roles, appearances, and possessions. We mistake these outer forms for who we are, and as a result, when they shift, fade, or fall away, we suffer.
The ego is like water to a fish, so ever-present that we rarely notice it. Only a profound experience, some shock or awakening, can lift us briefly beyond ego's grasp. But like a fish pulled from the sea, we often panic. That higher state feels foreign. We long for the familiar currents of ego identity, even if they imprison us.
Ego builds identity through form: “I am successful. I am attractive. I am educated. I am admired.” We adorn ourselves with accomplishments and things, hoping they will solidify our sense of self. But these identifiers are fragile. They depend on circumstances, time, and the opinions of others. And all of them are temporary.
When we lose what once defined us: beauty, strength, status, relationships. We feel like we have lost ourselves. That loss brings pain, not because of the thing itself, but because we made it the center of our identity. This is why suffering so often accompanies aging, job loss, failure, or heartbreak. The ego cannot accept change. It clings.
To reduce suffering, we must examine what we are attached to. What do we believe we are? What labels do we depend on? And what happens when those labels no longer apply?
Freedom begins when we realize that none of these surface-level identities is our true self. Beyond the ego lies something deeper, unchanging, and whole. This presence, awareness itself, cannot be damaged by loss or time. It does not need validation. It simply is.
Suffering fades when we stop measuring our worth through ego. We suffer not because of who we are, but because of who we think we are. Real peace comes from stepping out of that illusion and resting in the deeper truth: that we are not our possessions, our achievements, or our roles. We are the awareness behind them.
In a world that rewards ego, it takes courage to let go. But the reward is greater than status or admiration. It is the quiet joy of being free.
A well-considered question in response to Michael’s thought piece, followed by an equally thoughtful rejoinder by the writer.
Sandy Paul’s question and thought process mirrors my own, for the questions s/he asked have often occurred in my mind too.
The overarching question that often occurs in my mind is, “Why are so many human beings so deeply cruel and callous?” This tendency puzzles me greatly because I cannot imagine harming someone else, but I seem to be in the minority in this respect. How sad.
I hear what you are saying - sounds very much like the basic Buddhist notion that suffering arises from attachment. But I disagree that suffering does not or cannot arise from external circumstances, imposed upon us by others or events beyond our control. I look at the inhumane and relentless death, mutilation and starvation being imposed upon the people of Gaza - a horrific genocide. How can anyone in that situation of extreme and endless suffering be "philosophical" about their cruel and unnecessary fate? And what about the inhumane external conditions that global capitalism imposes upon the majority of human and other beings? What does "attachment to ego" have to do with the very real and material suffering experienced by those who are being intentionally oppressed and exploited by others? I would genuinely like to know.☮️